iPhone: Brings Out the Best/Worst of the Negative Nelly’s & Gloomy Guses

The main point of contention of those who want around with a black cloud over their head & lives is the whole iPhone battery thing – they seem actually distraught and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.


In many years from now, if the iPhone battery dies or does not charge right, what will I do? What will I do?! ANSWER ME NOW FOR I CANNOT GO ON!

First, they’ve had the phone for 2 days (or about a week now). If your battery is draining to zero already without you using it, take it back and get another one.

Yes, you are right, in 730+ days from now, maybe there might be a problem but I guess it’s easier for them to presume it will absolutely, positively be a huge problem that is enough to cause them anguish right now.

How about waiting? If they really fail in 6 months, you can file a class action lawsuit and win millions (or at a million coupons) – do you feel better?

Or how about something unique, actual try and not think of the absolute worst case scenario and use the thing and see how it really works? Or perhaps, by the battery failing and the headphones stop working, you can hear the giant truck with failing brakes and you’ll jump out of the way – Apple saves your life – so maybe it’s a good thing on exactly 730 from now, you are sure the battery will just die? Ever think of that? Or that on your way to the Apple store to yell at the genius and I-told-you-so, you met the significant others of your dreams who is there to buy the new iPod BATTERY Shuffle which plays 1 song but has a battery life of 70,000 years? I can’t predict your future but apparently by touching an iPhone, you go into a trance and you can uncannily predict its battery life and death to the minute?

You might be freakin’ amazing or just a freak.


OMG! OMG! This screen I’m touching has fingerprints on it – I swear I only had 11 pieces of Crisco fried chicken.

Get over it.

The phone has a touchscreen. You are supposed to touch it. It will get fingerprints.

If you drive, bugs will get on your car and on your windshield.

If you leave it inside a garage, dust will fall on it.

If you never get in the car, the plastics inside the car will breakdown and leave a dust-like layer.


And these things are inside your nasal cavity – yep, pollen …

So, yes, some things you should keep your fingers out of the equation – wall sockets, plasma TV screens, and well, you know the third … also, don’t lick your Apple products like Olivia Munn.


Otherwise, touch it, use it, wipe it clean if it freaks you out somehow.


“Wave of iPhones could add to e-waste”

I implore you, when you no longer want your iPhone, do NOT throw them at whales in the ocean. I know we’ve been doing that all along but apparently it’s a non-no now …

The idiocy of that sentence is that it could apply to anything.

“wave of microbes dying could add to Earth’s waste”

“new babies add to Earth’s waste”

“breathing expels CO and contributes to global warming & Earth’s waste.”

“printing this headline kills another tree and the ink could add to Earth’s waste.”


People lament the absence of 3G as if it was summer vacation days of yore for anyone older than 24.

3G is great for laptops – you get the internet at near DSL speeds anywhere in the US but the lightest 3G laptop is at least 2.5 lbs.

Yes, there are phones with 3G, how many people prior to the iPhone were using their phones to surf the internet at 3G speeds in the US? Maybe 400,000 people out of 120 million cell phones in the US – hardly a ringing endorsement of 3G. Why didn’t people care about 3G on their phone?

Well, phone screen was too tiny but obviously Apple resolved that.

Battery life is limited to hours. Can you imagine that uproar? Followed by the cries that Apple should release an EDGE phone that’s cheaper and has better battery life? (You know ZDNET would be on that bandwagon. They are probably criticizing Apple for going with color in the visible spectrum – what about all those colors in the invisible spectrum?)

TOO EXPENSIVE – $60 a month just for that. Again, just imagine how crazy people would get.

Sure, it would be nice to have internet 24/7 at near broadband speed but would you pay $50 dollars MORE and have less battery life?

When the current solution is in many ways better? WiFi can be 10 times faster than 3G. And in my limited testing of EDGE, it’s not bad. Is it instant-on? And instant re-draw of every page on the internet?, no – but for $20 a month – internet everywhere there’s an AT&T signal – not bad at all. It’s a good compromise of cost, speed, & convenience … like most things in life, it’s not 100% perfect. If you are willing to pay three times as much for 3 times the speed (3G is faster but compared to DSL/cable, it’s still slow) – then you can carry a laptop or buy a 3G phone instead of the iPhone.

So, the iPhone is clearly the best cell phone out there – no, it’s not perfect but there’s also no need to needlessly panic or focus on a few narrow points when common sense should point out those that with everything you use, there are compromises and choices.


Filed under Apple, Computing, Gadgets, iPhone

9 responses to “iPhone: Brings Out the Best/Worst of the Negative Nelly’s & Gloomy Guses

  1. peterr

    You forgot all that finger flicking-pinching goodness could lead to OMG! repetitive stress heath problems.

  2. tizmanian

    Ok, Metroxing, as the other writer of this blog I gotta say you need to take off the Apple pajamas and stop sniffing the warm seat Steve Jobs left at the Cupertino cafeteria for a minute.

    There is a real need for Apple to spell out that their battery is hard wired into the handset (much like their ipods, true, which shouldn’t be a surprise). If you want to replace it you are looking at $79 + $6.95 shipping and be without your phone for three business days.

    Oh, but they will rent you an iphone replacement for another $29 while yours is under repair. Gosh! What stand up guys!

    How all of this type of transaction is supposed to occur is anyone’s guess at this stage.

    Check it out info over at Slashdot or at Yahoo News here http://tinyurl.com/29dhmb.

    (METROXING: Alright, I’ll meet you back here in 2 years and let’s see how the battery is looking. If you’re right, I’ll buy 10 replacement battery iTunes cards and have my future wife, Adriana Lima march up & down the street handing them out. If not, I’ll expect you to hand over your hovercraft for 3 days. Deal?)

    It should also be pointed out that the Toyota Prius Hybrid batteries is listed as being able to take a full charge for 5-7 years and replacement costs are currently $15,000. They presume prices will drop in 5-7 years but no promises. No one seems concerned their $28,000 might be worth essentially zilch in 5-7 years, that’s quite a depreciation …”

    TIZMANIAN: Bah. Planned obsolescence is what that battery clap trap is all about. And it isn’t a hovercraft but a Dekkard model 4000 spinner.

  3. Well written article! It’s amazing how people love to trash the iPhone (or iPod or Apple in general). Heaven forbit you praise the product — you’re labeled a fanboy drinking the kool-aid . Wouldn’t be nice if people just evaluated a product and quietly made their purchase decision instead of kicking off flame wars?

  4. Kiwiiano

    I guess you could always flick the iPhone’s sim card into one of the other 3-5 phones lying about the average house and use that to maintain communications during the 3 business days.
    If you want a sleek case you accept that there will be compromises to attain it.

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  6. Eric Anondson

    One thing worth noting about the battery being sealed in. Having to send it in to Apple for replacement means Apple controls the recycling/disposal of the depleted battery rather than letting millions of users chuck it in the trash. Apple will almost certainly dispose of the waste in a safe manner, each and every battery.

    If you want a positive spin on this, you could just describe this as an initiative to preemptively deal with the toxic waste of battery replacement. Not sure if Apple is even thinking about this issue this way, or even if they expect to get Green points with folks who care about it. But it is worth thinking about.

    (METROXING: You’re absolutely right).

  7. Bastian

    I don’t live by the ocean so I was planning on setting a trap in the woods where my old RAZR will be catapulted at an unwilling bear, eagle or badger. Of course I am going to soak it in mercury first for a larger and longer ranging impact at eco-destruction. I need to do my part.

  8. dom

    That battery arguement is rubbish anyway. How many people out of those 120 million cell phone users carry a spare battery? How many have ever had to replace a battery before they changed their handset? I own an iPod and will probably own an iPhone when it comes out in the UK, but I don’t care about battery life. get a spare charger! Or carry it with you. All batteries have a finite charge to them. Just like everything else.

    I also see the reason Apple chose EDGE. Its more widespread and whats the point of offering a service only 10% of users can access? In the UK 3G is more prominient so EDGE isn’t the best choice, but if it works, great. I won’t be using it at home as I have Wifi but it’ll do for my lunch break, or whenever I’m out.

    Ok, there are some bad parts of the iPhone but most can be fixed with a software update. MMS? Video recording? Voice recording? 3rd party apps? GPS would be nice too but it is a v 1.0 product. Did the very first mobile play MP3’s? or let you get online? No. Did its battery last long? Doubtful. Things evolve.
    Lastly, I agree with Eric, its good that Apple do this battery replacement, if only for the knowledge that you’ll get a genuine battery with full warranty and that the old battery will be dealt with correctly, hopefully reused if possible, rather than hitting the local land fill like so much else nowadays.
    Its Live Earth today anyway! Go save the planet!

  9. Hmmm. Sounds like iPhone FUD. PUD? Phear, Uncertainty, Doubt.

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